Finding you
I climbed high shelves
Dug through penny jars
Danced with strangers in mud puddles, tracks moist, then dry.
I waited in meditation and misery
Patient, anxious, yearning, mourning, hopeful, desperate.
I hopped subways cars, hailed cabs, rode elevators from basement to roof top.
I begged, sobbed, then traced my steps to a shadow. Studied long and hard and more to cure myself from ignorance.
I loved and lusted.
Judged.
Embraced.
Declared. Announced. Affirmed.
Complied.
Celebrated failure, sober.
Crossed borders.
Fucked up.
Chose. Cowered. Overcame.
Trudged and glided, but never skated.
In Pandora’s box I found respite in broken rules. Hedonistic morsels I could not taste, or savor.
I squandered my gifts on fear.
Daughtered, sistered, wifed. mothered.
Allowed bad luck, bad choices, to bury me.
Pushed boulders aside.
Won. Wandered. Wondered. Forgot.
Potent.
Invisible.
Irregular.
Negligible.
All the nouns, adjectives, verbs, pronouns.
Mysterious.
Toxic.
Ready.
Contained.
Common and complex.
YOU are all things.
Transform, mutate
Spirit, skin, soul.
I work each day, each hour to know, understand, love, forgive and accept, in the condition I discover YOU, changing minute by minute, molecule by molecule.
Forever,
Until death do us part
Longer maybe,
I am, I was, I will be the guidance I search for, the God I wait for, the universe.
A spec. A flawed miracle.
Evolving.
Transient.
Sublime.
